Monday, October 3, 2011

The Freakin' Weekend

Saturday night I stayed in my house overnight by myself for the first time ever. Usually when Gary goes out of town I make Sarah come stay with me to make sure I don't get murdered, but this weekend she was also out of town (visiting our parents and meeting our sister's new boyfriend and eating Taco Delite and what? I'm not jealous! OKAY I'M EXTREMELY JEALOUS.) so I was left to fend for myself.

Before I barricaded myself into my house, I figured I should make a trip to gather the essentials. "The essentials" consist of sour gummy worms, happy colas, Safeway Select Salted Pretzel Caramel ice cream (shout out to Leah Armstrong for suggesting it/making me fat) and a Jumbo Parrot Bay Coconut Shrimp appetizer from Red Lobster with extra piƱa colada sauce, in case you were wondering. Now you might be thinking to yourself, "Oh, that Emily, always the jokester, pretending like she purchased and consumed each of those items." As my waistline is my witness, this is no joke.

I considered offering an explanation to the cashier as she was ringing up my two bags of gummy candy and tub of ice cream such as, "Girls' night," accompanied by a conspiratorial smile, or, "My sister just broke up with her boyfriend," which would no doubt be met with a sympathetic pout...but instead I just stood there, bold-faced in shameless gluttony, silently daring her to comment on my impending weight gain.

Then I went home and rented the most embarrassing movie I could find on iTunes - Disney's Prom - and successfully got through all the shrimp and probably half the candy.

When the movie was over, I started working on some curtains for my bedroom while listening to a new audio book my mom sent me. (Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. You should read it, or better yet, listen to the audio book because it's narrated by my favorite guy ever, Jim Dale.)

At about 9:30 I ran out of white thread. I considered going to get more, but as that would have required venturing outside in the dark, I opted to watch Prom again and then fall asleep on the couch flanked by both my guard dogs.

I managed to make it through the night with only one dream about someone breaking in to try to kill me. (The guy in my dream didn't actually break in with the intention of killing me, at first. I forgot to lock the front door and he just walked into the wrong house holding a beer and a pizza box, which might seem like a non-scary, drunken misunderstanding, but then when he saw that I was home alone and armed with only a pillow, he was kinda like, "Well, I'm here...I guess I might as well kill you.")

Sunday morning I was so amazed at having survived the night unharmed and unrobbed that I decided to celebrate with a trip to Walmart for more string and a copy of Prom on DVD. I'm not even embarrassed. (Okay I'm super embarrassed but I'm trying my darndest to drown my shame in a sea of bravado.)

So in closing, and to distract you from what a nerd I am, LOOK WHAT I MADE!


E Bailey said...

I am very jealous. I love these! So kyoot!

E Bailey said...

"i got curtains to my left, curtains on my right; put them both together, we got curtains all night." R. Kelly ft. EKGray