I Don't Wanna Be a Toys R Us Kid

WARNING: I didn't mean for this to happen, but somewhere along the way, what started out as a mildly funny anecdote took a turn for the crazy and landed upside-down in Feminist Rantsville. So this might be a good time to change the channel if you don't care about my opinion and/or are the type of person who might stop reading my blog for any reason ever.

Yesterday I jokingly put up a FB status about not wanting children after a trip to Toys R Us. FIRST of all, let me take this opportunity to put the rumors to rest: Gary and I have no plans to rob the world of little tiny versions of ourselves. Now that you're all breathing easy again, I'll explain. We went to Toys R Us the weekend before Christmas because we want our adorable niece and nephew to love us and Walmart was sold out of the toy we were looking for. Oh and also we're idiots.

But it wasn't the high prices, the commercialization of Christmas or the crowds that bothered me. IT WAS THE BARBIE AISLE. (I realize Barbie dolls are not exclusively sold at Toys R Us, but that's where I was when I was looking at them, so what are ya gonna do?*)

It's funny how you can go through your whole life feeling pretty confident you're not a feminist, and then one day, out of the blue, you find yourself brandishing a burning bra while standing on top of a pile of pink cardboard boxes in the middle of a toy store, screaming through a megaphone for all the girls to, "STEP AWAY FROM THE STEREOTYPES. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LEARN TO BAKE, DEVELOP A 'SHOE OBSESSION' OR DRESS LIKE A SLUT TO GET MEN TO LOVE YOU."

Hey, speaking of dressing like a slut! What is up with the girls' clothing section? (Toys R Us is off the hook on this one - we've now taken aim at Target. Get it?! Aim? At Target? Nevermind.) Can somebody PLEASE tell me why I had such a hard time finding an outfit for my five year old niece that wouldn't make her look like a hooker?

Okay, okay, maybe using words like "slut" and "hooker" are taking it a little too far. I'm sorry. Sometimes when I get upset my dirty mouth tends to run away with me.

But am I wrong in thinking there should be a recognizable difference between the clothes in the girls' section and those in the juniors' section? I don't know, this could totally just be me, but I'm not crazy about the idea of my daughter wearing sequins and skin-tight shirts before the age of ten. I want my girls to get muddy! And play with bugs! There's plenty of time to dress like a whore when you're a teenager with a job and you're spending your own money! (KIDDING. Kidding kidding kidding kidding.)

So my joke about not wanting kids didn't actually have anything to do with Toys R Us; it was more about the fact that I am now starting to wonder if my dream of raising daughters who are smart, funny, good-looking AND cool is even possible. (I don't really even care if they're good looking...in fact, in recent years I've been thinking that not being pretty during my junior high and early high school years might just be what kept me a virgin until I was married. BADA-BING!)

But seriously, folks...doesn't it seem like we should be past this kind of thing by now?

If you feel like reading more on the subject, STFU, Parents posted a really interesting article on FB last month that's kind of along these same lines. Read it here.

*Other than the obvious course of action, which is coming up with a weak play on the slogan to use as a blog post title.