Wednesday, December 14, 2011

RiDQulous, Indeed.

So Dairy Queen has this thing called the Blizzard Fan Club. Six times a year, they email the members a buy-one-get-one-free coupon. Sarah is a member because, like most of us, she loves the idea of getting one hundred percent of something for fifty percent of the price. (Or I guess technically it's 200% of something for 100% of the price...whatever. MATH WAS NEVER MY STRONG SUIT.)

Three of our coworkers are also members, so yesterday afternoon the four of them decided to take their breaks at the same time so they could throw down on some half-price blizzies. They tried to go through the drive-thru, but when they asked if they could make three separate orders, the drive-thru girl replied, "No, we can only do two. If that."

If that? Wait...what? Why so cryptic? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN, DRIVE-THRU GIRL?

"No big deal," they all thought simultaneously, "we'll just go inside."

They went inside and walked up to the counter, only to be "greeted" by the same mysterious girl from the drive-thru. She had a black eye. Instead of the standard, "Hi, can I help you," they received a surly, "So, (looking down at the coupons) you guys here to rip us off?"

"We are confused," thought the Borg.* "These are legitimate coupons."

She then grudgingly proceeded to prepare their order with painful slowness.

I have two problems with this.

PROBLEM #1: Skipping over the glaringly obvious fact that using a Dairy Queen-issued coupon at a Dairy Queen doesn't qualify as ripping someone off, my real problem is that Sarah's not just my sister; she's my girl. And you don't mess with my girl.

PROBLEM #2: As a former drive-thru girl, I was personally appalled by this girl's behavior. Hasn't she read the DTG code of conduct? Here's an excerpt for reference:
Q: When a customer annoys or inconveniences us, do we talk back to them?
A: No! We let it slide because we know that the reason they're in the drive-thru in the first place is that they've had a long, hard day and are too tired to make dinner!

Q: Do we, under any circumstances, stoop to spitting in their food or beverage?
A: HECK NO! Because we are LADIES and that is DISGUSTING!**

Q: Do we take an extra long time to prepare their order out of spite?
A: NO! Because we know that if we do ANY of these things, the customer's SISTER might HEAR about it and call the MANAGER of our RESTAURANT to COMPLAIN about our ATTITUDE. (Or at the very least, launch a full-scale Internet smear campaign.)
Sarah's a lover, not a fighter, so she's holding me back from doing anything rash like setting the store ablaze or boycotting ice cream*** but suffice it to say if I ever have the misfortune of finding myself in that particular establishment again (and based on the the thrice-asterisked footnote below, the odds of that happening are looking pretty good) you can bet your sweet tooth I'll be handing out stink eyes like candy on Christmas.****

*If you don't understand this reference, then you're probably not a nerd. Don't worry about it or look it up. Just brush it off and get on with your blissfully cool life.
**Okay, I can't speak for every drive-thru operator in America on this one. But I CAN speak for the good people at Taco Delite in Wylie, TX. Their employees understand that the drive-thru is a position of honor and is therefore to be treated with the utmost reverence and care.
***As if I could survive without ice cream. Burning down a building is one thing, but let's not get too carried away here.
****Hey, it's a holiday blog!

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