Wednesday, August 8, 2012

It's Your World and I'm Just a GIANT SQUIRREL

So I haven't really blogged in a while. I wish I could blame it on the new job...and maybe I will. You can all just ignore the fact that I haven't been blogging regularly for several weeks now and I just started my job on Monday.

I'm sure it's been killing you not knowing every single detail of my life, so I'll do my best to bring you up to speed while you do your best to pretend like you even noticed that I haven't been blogging as much as I used to.

New Developments
- I'm disgusting. I'm back on Weight Watchers and I figured out that after my usual breakfast and lunch, I have 21 points left after work. I also figured out that three egg rolls, two containers of sweet and sour sauce and three mozzarella sticks from Jack in the Box are 21 points. Let your imagination be your guide as to what I've had for dinner the past two nights in a row. 
- My toilet is broken. This sort of falls under the 'I'm disgusting' umbrella, but I felt it warranted its own section because it's a different brand of disgusting and also I only had three things to talk about and I really don't see the point in using subheadings if there are only two points.  
Anyway, about the toilet. I really have no idea what's wrong with it; all I know is that if I want to flush it (and I often do) I have to take the lid off the back tank and push down on the arm attached to the...buoy? Floaty thing? until it fills up with enough water to flush. It takes about forty-five seconds and it kind of sends me on a downward spiral (PUN TOTALLY INTENDED) because I start to think about how I've really always taken flushing the toilet for granted, and then I start to think about how the fact that I can't spare forty-five seconds probably says something about my generation and how we want everything right now, but then I think nah, this toilet is just broken and it's okay that I'm annoyed that I have to spend more time than necessary standing near and/or touching a toilet.  
- I have a new job. I also have a confession to make: I wasn't really sure what the future of this blog looked like because my new job is in Human Resources. I was kind of scared to write anything because I sorta feel like being in HR means I need to step it up a little bit on the politically correct/well dressed/socially acceptable front, and I thought maybe it would be better for me to stop blogging altogether, lest I accidentally say something negative on the internet that might make my new boss look bad and/or lead to my termination.  
But THEN I remembered that I LOVE the place where I work, so I really have no reason to ever say anything negative about it, and I certainly won't feel the need to say anything negative about my new boss, because let's be honest...I'm kind of obsessed with her. I have been for several years now; it's just taken me this long to figure out that the only surefire way of forcing her to hang out with me is to become her administrative assistant.  
My obsession has actually been documented on this very blog, specifically in this post from November of 2010 in which I referred to her as both an "angel of mercy" and a "magnanimous patroness". This would probably be a good time to point out that she still doesn't know about that. (Well, at least she didn't until I put it on the internet for the second time and all my coworkers ran to tell her because now there can be no doubt as to who I was talking about.)
Anyway, that's my life in a nutshell. A giant nutshell capable of housing six hundred words. (This is the part where the title of this post finally starts to make an iota of sense.)

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