Here's What I'm Thinking

1. I haven't blogged in a while. I know. I'm the worst, etc.

2. I'm listening to "Payphone"by Maroon 5. Samantha pointed out to me early on that it was possibly the least relevant song ever written (because seriously - when was the last time you even saw a pay phone?) but that isn't even my biggest problem with it. My beef is with the rap section.

In case you've never had the pleasure of hearing the song, I'll sum it up for you: This dude is brokenhearted and attempting to reach his lady via the most archaic form of communication known to man to no avail.

 Now keep that in mind as you read the (slightly cleaned up) lyrics to the rap section:

Man f*** that s***I'll be out spending all this money while you're sittin' round wondering why it wasn't you who came up from nothin'Made it from the bottom now when you see me I'm stuntin'And all of my cars start with a push of a buttonTelling me I changed since I blew up or whatever you call itSwitch the number to my phone so you never could call itDon't need my name on my shirt, you can tell that I'm ballin'Swish, what a shame coulda got pickedHad a really good game but you missed your last shotSo you talk about who you see at the top or what you could have saw but sad to say it's over forPhantom pulled up valet open doorsWished I'd go away got what you was lookin' forNow it's me who they want so you can go and take that little piece of s*** with you

WHAT DOES ANY OF THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE REST OF THE SONG???

Was this a mistake? "Oh, shoot...guys, this was supposed to go in that song about money, or basketball, or ANYTHING OTHER THAN A PAY PHONE."

Or maybe they realized the same thing Sam did. "Hmm...what could make this song more relevant? I KNOW! WIZ KHALIFA*!!!" 

Also the last line doesn't rhyme...but maybe I should cut the guy some slack. I mean he'd already rhymed for with door and then for again, so really, he was out of options. Why, WHYYYY aren't there more words that rhyme with for???

Wiz Khalifail.

3. Gary hit a deer last week and only one of them made it out alive. Jay Z's probably gonna need a nose job.

There's gonna be two hits: Me hitting you and Kid Rock's "Bawitdaba" playing in the background.

4.  Less than a month after I started my new job, my boss was promoted from Vice President to Senior Vice President, instantly making my title sound a hundred times fancier and more important. If anybody needs me, I'll just be riding her designer coattails straight up the corporate ladder.

5. I had to upload all the pictures from my phone for #3 and I came across this one, which I am showing you because I have lost all self-respect and/or will do anything to get you to laugh at this blog.

You are officially caught up on my life. Go eat something, you're wasting away over there!

*Mom and Dad: He's a rapper.