The Airbourne Identity

This is a play about two girls on a plane ride from Dallas to Colorado Springs and the very different experiences they had.

To set up the scene, the girls knew that they had two window seats, one behind the other. The story begins with their long trek to the back of the plane, when they both notice a gangly, stringy haired kid wearing a rastafarian-style beanie that was much too large for his pimply little head, sitting in the middle seat of what was sure to be one of their rows.

Action!

Emily: Ha, what's up Rasta Pasta? Oh no...please don't let that be my row...please don't let that be my row...

Sarah: Please let it be her row...please let it be her row...

Emily: DANGGGITTTTTT. Well, maybe she'll get stuck next to a smelly guy. We shall see; there's no one sitting there yet.

(Enter Matt Damon 2.0, heading straight for Sarah's row...and yes. The seat beside her. She doesn't look up at him.)

Emily: Well well well...alright, I'm willing to take one for the team if it means Sarah can make a love connection.

(Sarah is still not looking, because she is far too cool to care that there is a gorgeous young angel seated beside her. She pulls out her Filter magazine and begins reading. Her neighbor commences reading the magazine too without her noticing, and eventually his eyes wander to her face...and stay there.)

Emily: He loves her! They're gonna get married! I wonder if their kids will look like Ben Affleck...wait, that doesn't even make any sense...and yet somehow, it does...

(Matt Damon 2.0 accidentally kicks the chair in front of him and stands up to apologize to the person seated there. He nervously glances at Sarah and says something to her that makes her laugh. He smiles.)

Emily: Finally! A nice guy! Clean cut, smiles easily...yes, he will make her a fine husband.

(Emily's thoughts are interrupted by Rasta Pasta loudly making some lame jokes to his dad about something he saw in SkyMall.)

Emily: (Slightly annoyed) It's been done, buddy. Everyone knows SkyMall is ridiculous; that's why they put them in airplanes. That didn't make sense either...but whatever. I have a wedding to plan!

(The lovers' conversation dwindles...everybody goes to sleep. One to two hours later, the plane lands.)

Emily: Yay, they're talking again! Oh, if I listen hard enough, I might be able to hear their conversation!

Matt Damon 2.0: "So what do you do for fun around here?"

Emily: Uh oh...he's got his smooth voice on. He sounds a little too much like Channing Tatum for my taste...I'm not sure I like where this is going.

Sarah: "Uhhh...nothing. I pretty much don't leave my house ever."

Matt Damon 2.0: (Something about...hangout spots.)

Emily: Oh no. Oh no. Please don't be stupid...please don't be stupid...

Sarah: (Laughs nervously) "Uhhh...yeah not really. I have like four roommates, so I kinda just hang out at the house a lot."

Mat Damon 2.0: "Do you guys ever throw any sweet huge parties?"

Emily: Ohhh...nooooo...

Sarah: "Yeah, that sounds like me..."

Matt Damon 2.0: "Does it?"

Sarah: "Um...no."

Emily: ABORT! ABORT! WE NEED TO GET OFF THIS PLANE NOW!!!

Matt Damon 2.0: "What's your name?"

Sarah: "Sarah. What's yours?"

Matt Damon 2.0: "Johnny."

(Johnny's phone rings.)

Johnny Damon -2.0: "Wassup. Where yall at?"

Emily: Where yall at??? Dreams: shattered. I was really hoping for a little less Ocean's Eleven and a little more Good Will Hunting. I hope I can get a refund on the wedding cake I just ordered...

(The awkwardness continues in this manner for several minutes, until finally they all exit the plane and Sarah is able to make her escape. All is well.)

THE END