So with only a few precious days left until Christmas (and, coincidentally, the tragic end of the social acceptability of my constant caroling), I've been feeling a little sad that it's almost over...but then this weekend happened.
I was at Kohl's with Sarah, patiently waiting while she tried on some clothes for work when I heard a familiar song begin.
"Ahh, Stevie Wonder," I thought to myself. "You sure know how to sing a Christmas son - WHAT?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why the sudden fit of rage, you ask? Because it was not Stevie Wonder.
Long story short, hearing "What Christmas Means to Me" whined out by Jessica Simpson was just about enough to ruin Christmas forever.
I composed this letter and plan to send it as soon as I can afford to buy stamps:
Jessica,And while we're at it, has anyone else been struck by the irony of hearing Christina Aguilera - some of whose other hit songs include the disturbingly suggestive "Candyman" and another that's just straight up called "Dirrty" - recite the Lord's Prayer during her rendition of "O Holy Night"? I was just wondering.
You are the worst. You damn near ruined my Christmas, and as punishment I hereby strip you of the honor and privilege of being called a Texan.
Also, I think you owe Stevie an apology.
Here's hoping you get a paper cut today,
*Of course that happened to me.