Welp, our secret's out. The landlords have finally discovered Brutus.
Honestly, I'm mostly relieved (with just a splash of shame and humiliation at having been caught). That just means this year we won't have to go to all the trouble of hiding him while they do our re-rent inspection.
Amazingly enough, they were really cool about it. They say there's a first time for everything, and this is the first time our rental company has failed to totally suck. They're not fining us or anything; we just have to pay the pet deposit we should have paid two Augusts ago when we got him. We wanted to pay it - honest! But it's like $300, which is more than our combined worth on a good day.
Then there was the pet application itself, which gave me no small amount of anxiety because it included a list of dog breeds that are prohibited, such as German shepherds, pit bulls, rottweilers, etc. Huskies weren't on the list, but there was a blanket statement at the end of the list including "any other aggressive breeds." Now, I know and you know that Brutus is about as aggressive as a bean bag*, but I could see some misguided inspector thinking he looks intimidating and kicking us out, thereby forcing us to take refuge in the sewage-stained nether regions of the crackhouse next door. I know what you're thinking: decorating nightmare, amirite? I mean who's doing brown these days? Yuck.
But never fear, for all is well! We're selling Gary's toolbox, which should just about cover the deposit. Never mind the fact that we were going to use that money for food; we get to keep the dog! If we get to the point of starvation, we can always just eat him.
*Thought you'd enjoy an inside look at the process of choosing the least aggressive thing I could think of. It went something like sloth>snail>fat kid>platypus (according to Samantha - not very aggressive)>pencil eraser>bean bag. Yawelcome.