The Angry LOL

I see a lot of things on Facebook that confuse and/or concern me, e.g., parent overshare; requests to join a mafia/create an e-fishbowl/eat someone's brains; and recently, those weird banners people are using in place of their top five pictures*; but the thing I find most disturbing is The Angry LOL.

I'm sure you've seen it. Whether it's coming from some girl you haven't spoken to since high school or an ex-coworker who can't understand why he got fired for his "attitude problem", it's sure to be equal parts terrifying and ridiculous. (Terridiculous, if you will.) It's as if people think that adding an "LOL" immediately puts a lighthearted spin on whatever they just said. But much like sprinkling butter-flavored powder over burnt popcorn, not even the mighty LOL is enough cover up the overpowering stench of your insanity.

I'll give you a couple of examples.

Amy Johnson
omg you guys, i freakin hate safeway so much, they wouldn't take my coupon for eggs just because it was an albertson's coupon, so i blacked out and just started chucking eggs at all the customers waiting in line hahahahahahaha guess those people won't be shopping there anymore

And I suppose neither will you, in light of your recent arrest. Can you Facebook from jail? At least the lack of end punctuation would be justified if you were updating your status in the process of being tackled to the ground. Lucky for all of us you managed to hit send before your phone was wrested from your talon-like clutches or else we never would have known what happened to you.

Ashley Jones
OOOOO PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FREAKIN DRIVE! SOME %^$#& CUT ME OFF AND IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO START RAMMING HER UNTIL SHE RAN HER CAR OFF A CLIFF LOL

Whoa Ashley. Just - whoa. First of all, I'm not sure it was the wisest choice to admit in front of God and Facebook that you make a habit of contemplating murder...and secondly, what's funny? WHAT, ASHLEY? I'm sure in your head this sounded like, "Whoops, I think I may have a bit of a problem with road rage. I should probably seek help. Tee hee." But it actually came out sounding more like, "LOOK EVERYBODY I'M CRAAAAZZYYYYYYYYY!!!! I LAUGH AT INAPPROPRIATE TIMES AND I HAVE THE CAPACITY FOR MURDER!!!!! ALSO MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK, PRESUMABLY BECAUSE I SPILLED SOME CRAZY JUICE ON IT."

In short, I love Facebook because no matter how bad things get, there's always some crazy bee posting crazy ess for me to laugh at.

*If I've said it once, you've probably already read it: This ain't Myspace, people.