Where haven't I been is more like it!
Wait, no, actually in this case where I have been yields a much shorter answer.
I went to Texas last weekend, where I spent the better part of three days sweating into my old twin sized bed, sidelined by what may or may not have been food poisoning brought on by a two dollar order of Denny's biscuits and gravy. Did I suspect at the time that the biscuits were too crunchy for comfort? Yes. Will I ever order them again? Probably. Come on, they're TWO DOLLARS!!!
I've also had an aggressive sinus infection for the past week and a half, which reached an exciting climax just before we were to leave for the airport. I blew my nose too hard and somehow ended up on my hands and knees on the ceiling. No, the floor. No, the ceiling. I somehow managed not to throw up in the car or on the airplane, but I did honest-to-God think I was having an aneurysm during a particularly harsh change in cabin pressure. Note to self: Stop joking about aneurysms. They're not funny. Even when they turn out to just be sinus pressure.
As I sat there dying, I thought to myself, "The blog! What will become of my dear readers?!?" And in a moment of clarity, I made a decision. Should I die suddenly, I'd like to leave this blog to Sarah. She's smarter and funnier than me, and apparently also better at staying alive. Sure, she'll have to change the name to Howrey Matter, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but cut her some slack! Her sister just died!
I'll spare you the gory details, but things haven't been much better since I've been home. For instance, this is pretty much the first time I've made it from the couch to the computer without stopping by the bathroom on the way. Anyway, I'd like to apologize for my absence the past few days...and also for not really sparing you the gory details as promised earlier in this paragraph. If you've felt neglected or personally offended, just take comfort in the knowledge that although I'm just now taking the time to blog, I still have yet to shower. That's how much you all mean to me.
P.S. This has nothing to do with today's post, but I thought it was funny and wanted to tell someone. Today there was a thunderstorm that scared Brutus so bad he pooped his pants. Ahh, but dogs don't wear pants, do they?! So what he really pooped was my kitchen floor. THE END