'Tis the Season to Overcompensate

This is today's forecast for Colorado Springs:

Hey, wow, that doesn't look too bad! Maybe this winter's not gonna be so bad after a--

THINK AGAIN, WORTHLESS PEON!

I'm sorry...what?

OH I'M SORRY, I FORGOT I WAS SPEAKING TO A BRAINLESS INFERIOR. EXCEPT NO I DIDN'T BECAUSE EVERYONE IS MY INFERIOR. AND ALSO I'M NOT SORRY.

Uhhh who are you exactly?

I AM DECEMBER. AND STARTING TOMORROW, I AM THE NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN.

Actually we already have a sheriff...his name is Terry.

IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH, YOU IGNORANT HALF-WIT.

Wow, you sure are being rude for someone who's interrupting my blog.

THAT'S NOT ALL I'M GOING TO INTERRUPT! HA-HA!

I don't even...what?

I'M GOING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE. NO MORE OF THIS MAMBY-PAMBY LIGHT JACKET WEATHER. I EAT LIGHT JACKETS FOR BREAKFAST.

Oh, do they have a lot of fiber, or...?

Well yes, they do have a great deal of fib-- THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT. THE POINT IS I MEAN BUSINESS. AND I'VE GOT THE FORECAST TO PROVE IT!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOOK HOW SCARED YOU ARE NOW!

Well I mean yeah, the high is only two degrees higher than tonight's low...but I wouldn't say I'm scared exactly. Annoyed with a dash of inconvenienced might be a better description.

WHAT? BUT...IT'S SO...SCARY! NO, YOU ARE SCARED. AND AS PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR REFUSAL TO ADMIT IT, I AM GOING TO PUSH YOU DOWN TOMORROW.

How exactly do you plan to pull that off? You don't even have arms.

I THINK I'LL CALL IN A FAVOR FROM AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE - YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF HIM - HIS NAME IS THE WIND!!!

Man, December, you're kind of a bully. Don't you watch Glee? All the bullies turn out to be gay.

I'M NOT GAY, I ONLY LIKE THE FEMALE MONTHS. APRIL, MAY AND JUNE.

How's that workin' out for ya? Last time I checked, April looked like she was getting pretty cozy with March...

Well the whole cold-skin thing seems to be really in right now thanks to all those vampire movies, so I was hoping with a little hair gel things might start to go my wa---STOP MAKING ME TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS! I AM TOUGH AND I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Alright dude. Do whatever.

I WILL DO WHATEVER! WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE YOU FALL DOWN!

Well the joke's on you, 'cause I fall down all the time on my own, so the effect is kind of lost on me.

...WELL YOU'RE STUPID! AND YOUR BLOG IS STUPID! WHAT AM I EVEN STILL DOING HERE?

*stomp stomp stomp....SLAM!*

(Elapsed time: 30 seconds)

*....creeeeeeeeeak*

Back so soon?

I JUST WANTED TO STATE AGAIN FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM NOT GAY. I LOVE THE FEMALE MONTHS A LOT. MAYBE TOO MUCH IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I...don't. But whatever you say man.

OKAY I'M GLAD WE CLEARED THAT UP. NOW I AM OUT OF HERE FOR REALSIES.

THE END