Word to the Wise

(Note: I've never really understood that phrase. Shouldn't it be word from the wise? But I'm sticking with it because this is anything but a word from the wise.)

Sometimes, when you are a woman, you forget your usual afternoon snack of exactly fifty-five goldfish.

You will be sad for a while, but then you will remember that a can of Dr. Pepper is the same number of points as fifty-five goldfish, and this will cause you to run around your office doing a triumphant fist pump because you would rather drink Dr. Pepper than breathe air.

You will drink your Dr. Pepper with panache and pat yourself on the back many times for having successfully outsmarted your restrictive diet.

Several minutes later, however, your enthusiasm will wear off as you begin to feel faintly ill, and eventually you will become aware that you are in grave danger of passing the eff out, right there in your cubicle.

THE END