No, not you. My mom! Because it's her birthday! Look how adorable she is!
1. Hold the Salt - I'm not even scared to tell you how old she is today (FIFTY-ONE) and you know why? Because I bet none of you would have guessed correctly by looking at her. She's fifty-one and she has NEVER dyed her hair. Bravo, mom. Bravo.
2. Gene-ius - If the way my mom looks is any indicator of my future, I guess I can expect to be cute forever. No grays, no wrinkles, great teeth, beautiful skin...I'm pretty sure I could go on forever. She's KIND of a cutie patootie (see above)
3. Sew Adorable - She makes cute stuff - quilts, purses, coasters, reversible aprons that I use every day of my life, etc. I'm in the process of trying to get her to cash in on this by selling her cute stuff on the internet so she can make a billion dollars and build a summer home in Colorado.
4. Nerd's the Word - She is real dang smart. (When I said "nerd", you thought I was gonna say something about how I grew up watching Star Trek: The Next Generation and was really confused when I got to kindergarten and no one else knew who Phil Collins was, but I'm NOT! Wait...)
5. This One Doesn't Have A Cutesie Title - But I thought I should mention she lets Gary call her Teenie Weenie, which I think is pretty awesome.
6. Hip to the Jive - She read all the Twilight books. She watches Glee. She knows Rupert Grint by name. In short, she is probably cooler than your mom. (Please don't tell your mom I said that.)
7. Mean Green - You've heard of a green thumb...I'm pretty sure my mom has an entire green arm, 'cause she can make stuff grow like nobody's business. I wish I had a picture of her backyard...it's like a little jungle oasis in the middle of Wylie, Texas. Let's just say I wouldn't be surprised to find out she could make a bald man sprout hair. (Speaking of which, mom, you should try this out on dad. JUST KIDDING DAD! You've got months before you go bald!)
8. Scrub-a-Dub-Dub - She wears scrubs to work every day and still manages to be ADORABLE. Have I mentioned that my mom is pretty? Well she is.
9. But Seriously, Folks - Even from 800 miles away, she's always there for me when I need her to tell me I'm not fat/help me suck less at cooking/listen to me cry about nothing.
10. I'm Her Favorite Child - Well if I wasn't before, I sure as hell am now.
MOM - You're the best mom/friend/person ever and I love you the most. I hope your birthday is amazing and I can't WAIT to see you this weekend!!!