Taking a Bite Outta Crime

First of all, if you haven't heard, Friday's post was a joke. I think most of you caught on, but if you didn't, there's no reason to feel stupid as long as you don't tell anyone! That's the beauty of the internet! And to those of you who are concerned that I'm making a mistake by denying my emotions the free reign they deserve: You needn't worry your adorably sensitive little heads. Rest assured that I have a husband, a mom, two sisters and a whole bunch of close friends to keep me from needing to process my every thought on the internet.

On to today's breaking news: Gary got someone arrested this morning!

When he left for work at about 4:30 this morning, he noticed a Jeep parked in front of the old crackhouse next door. He thought it was weird since no one lives there, but it didn't really trouble him until he noticed a man inside the car, asleep in the driver's seat. Normally this wouldn't seem like that big of a deal, but in light of the fact that we got robbed two weeks ago, we're now extra paranoid. He called the non-emergency line and they said they'd have an officer drive by and make sure everything was okay.

He came back inside and woke me up to tell me all this so that I'd feel safe knowing there was a policeman on the way. Oddly enough, the knowledge that there was a strange man outside our house -- no doubt waiting for Gary to leave so he could come into my house and murder me and my dog -- made me feel a whole lot less safe than I had a few minutes earlier when I was dreaming about donuts and cheesy bread.

A few minutes after Gary had made the phone call, the man (presumably) woke up and (definitely) drove away. Again, I was somehow not comforted by this news. Gary left for work and then I promptly barricaded Brutus and myself in my bedroom. About a minute later, my phone vibrated on my nighstand became a machine gun and I died of a heart attack.

THE END

Just kidding! (You'll have to forgive my residual April Fools' Day smartacity.*) It was Gary calling to inform me that the man from the Jeep was being detained. Apparently when the guy drove away, he had only gone about half a block before parking again, and when Gary drove by he was being handcuffed. I doubt they would arrest someone just for sleeping in a car, which can only mean one thing: WE CAUGHT A REAL LIVE BAD GUY!

The moral of the story? Be a narc. You might just save your wife from being chopped into little pieces.

*Spellcheck didn't correct this word, so it must be real.