Sunday, January 19, 2014

I had a BABY.

I used to work with this girl who was...not the brightest. Whenever one of us had to explain to her where her lungs were (so no, that probably wasn't why her lower back hurt) or that North Texas and South Texas were not in fact two separate states, she would reply with, "I didn't finish high school, y'all; I had a BABY."

Just thought I'd share that little anecdote so you'd understand my new excuse for everything. "I didn't shower this week, y'all; I had a BABY." Two months ago, but whatever.

So I'm a mom now! I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. So many things are not what I expected - largely in a good way - like the actual process of having the baby, for example.

This is the part where I tell you that I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of giving birth. I was really dreading it because I felt like I was in for the worst pain of my life - possibly because 10,000 people told me it would be the worst pain of my life - and as excited as I was to meet my daughter, that didn't really sound like something I'd be into. Like, if there was any way I could avoid the worst pain of my life…that would be great. 

So I got an epidural…AND IT WAS AWESOME. Seriously. I slept through most of my labor and spent the time in between naps looking deep into Sarah's soul and extolling the virtues of the almighty drug in such a way that it would stay with her forever on a spiritual level. (Read: I grabbed her arm and said, "Sarah. This is the way to do it." about a thousand times. Apparently.)

Anyway I'll spare you the details, but the baby came out and then they just handed her over to us with the expectation that we were equipped to keep her alive.
So far so good on that front, by the way. Our secret is that we check to make sure she's still breathing about every five seconds while she sleeps. 

I know, I'm kind of awesome at parenting already. Tune in next week for advice on how to bounce your baby in such a way that her crying doesn't drown out the West Wing - because seriously…watching the West Wing is all I do now.

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